Often when a conflict or break in trust occurs, we impulsively respond by eclipsing feelings of guilt and wanting to “fix it.” This attempt to do something can bypass the pause needed to feel the pain and explore underlying factors that contributed to the loss of interpersonal trust.

Focusing on getting in touch with body sensations and continuing to ground in the present moment can anchor us when we fear the difficult.

When we enter into relationship, we bring our histories into the room. Our identities and social locations affect how we see, sense, and experience ourselves and others. With mindful reflection and investigation, we can begin to awaken to the impact of power and cultural dynamics — experienced, but so often ignored.

We often don’t recognize survival mode kicking in, when conflict and hurt arise. We think our thoughts and beliefs are 100% situated to real time, but often they are messages from the past that served to protect us. We can learn new ways to be with what scares us —ways that engender vulnerability, in place of shutting it down.

True attunement to a person’s story is a rare thing. Instead, people find themselves thinking of reasons for their behavior or ways to sympathize with the teller. This mismatch can result in failure to hear the truth of a person’s lived experience and, ultimately, their needs. Learning how to listen is an art and a gift.